Colbert Gleefully Mocks Kushner Downgrade: “How Will He Fix the Middle East Now?!”

Colbert Gleefully Mocks Kushner Downgrade: “How Will He Fix the Middle East Now?!”

[embedded content] As Stephen Colbert opened The Late Show Monday night, his audience cheered at th..

As Stephen Colbert opened The Late Show Monday night, his audience cheered at the news that senior White House adviser and Donald Trump son-in-law Jared Kushner had lost his top-secret security clearance. A longtime critic of Kushner, like the rest of late-night, Colbert feigned dismay at his audience’s reaction. “What is wrong with you people?!” he scolded. “How will he fix the Middle East now? He was so close to starting!”

News broke Tuesday afternoon that Kushner and other White House aides, who had previously been granted interim clearances, had been stripped of that privilege Friday. Now, Kushner’s clearance level has downgraded from “top-secret” to “secret.”

“Merely secret clearance,” Colbert said. “Which means Kushner will have access to only nine herbs and spices . . . Of course, the last two are salt and fried salt.”

Seth Meyers was similarly amused by the news during his Late Night monologue on NBC, quipping, “Senior White House adviser Jared Kushner lost his top secret security clearance on Friday, because as it turns out, you have to be 18!”

So, what will the actual fallout be from this? For one thing, as Trevor Noah pointed out on The Daily Show, “Kushner will have to learn about the nation’s most sensitive secrets just like the rest of us—wait for Trump to tweet them out.”

But how exactly is that going to work? “[Kushner] is still going to be at the White House, but now he’s not allowed to hear certain information,” Noah said. “So now in meetings, General [John] Kelly will be like, ‘What are we going to do about the N-U-K-E-S?’ and Jared will be like, ‘I know what that means!’ And Trump will be like, “I don’t, I don’t!’”

Get Vanity Fair’s HWD NewsletterSign up for essential industry and award news from Hollywood.Full ScreenPhotos:22 Movies and TV Shows That Will Save Us in 2018

Westworld (Season 2)

HBO is once again hoping you’ll ignore the big Game of Thrones-shaped hole in its schedule and turn your attention back to the sci-fi mind game that is Westworld. The Emmy-nominated series, starring Evan Rachel Wood and Thandie Newton, is ready to confound you once again in its second season. Until its spring 2018 premiere, take a trip back in time and revisit nine burning questions we still have about the finale.Photo: By John P. Johnson/HBO.*Grown-ish*

Grown-ish

Yara Shahidi takes the lead in this youthful Black-ish spin-off set to air on Freeform starting Jan. 3, 2018. In this series, Zoey is finally off to college, stumbling through cringeworthy rites of passage like embarrassing herself at a frat party and hiding secrets from her parents.Photo: By Eric Liebowitz/Freeform.Superhero Smorgasbord

Superhero Smorgasbord

Every superhero you love is coming out with a new movie in 2018. In no particular order, get ready for a bounty that includes: Black Panther,Avengers: Infinity War,Deadpool 2,The New Mutants,X-Men: Dark Phoenix,Ant-Man and the Wasp,Venom, and Aquaman.Photo: By Zade Rosenthal/©Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures/Everett Collection.The Winter Olympics

The Winter Olympics

’Tis the season to watch a bunch of perfect human specimens fight for tiny gold medallions. This year’s Winter Olympics will kick off on Feb. 9, 2018 in Pyeongchang, South Korea.Photo: By Julian Finney/Getty Images.*The Chi*

The Chi

After breaking out on Master of None and winning a historic Emmy for one of this year’s best TV episodes, Lena Waithe is ready to claim her spot in the prestige-TV realm. Enter The Chi, her Showtime series about young people coming of age in Chicago, set to premiere on Jan. 7.Photo: By Matt Dinerstein/SHOWTIME.*A Wrinkle in Time*

A Wrinkle in Time

The classic Madeleine L’Engle tale is finally coming to the big screen on March 9, 2018, thanks to Disney and director Ava DuVernay. The sci-fi story about a girl tesseracting her way through time to find her missing father will star newcomer Storm Reid alongside stars like Oprah Winfrey,Mindy Kaling,Reese Witherspoon, and Chris Pine.Photo: By Atsushi Nishijima/Courtesy of Walt Disney Studios.hans olo

Solo: A Star Wars Story

After some catastrophic ups and downs, Han Solo’s origin story will finally be revealed to us on May 25, 2018. The Star Wars spin-off stars Alden Ehrenreich as the galactic smuggler and also features Donald Glover as Lando Calrissian and Emilia Clarke playing a mysterious character named Kira.Photo: From Lucasfilm Ltd./Everett Collection.PreviousNext

<em>Westworld</em> (Season 2)

Westworld (Season 2)

HBO is once again hoping you’ll ignore the big Game of Thrones-shaped hole in its schedule and turn your attention back to the sci-fi mind game that is Westworld. The Emmy-nominated series, starring Evan Rachel Wood and Thandie Newton, is ready to confound you once again in its second season. Until its spring 2018 premiere, take a trip back in time and revisit nine burning questions we still have about the finale.By John P. Johnson/HBO.

<em>Grown-ish</em>

Grown-ish

Yara Shahidi takes the lead in this youthful Black-ish spin-off set to air on Freeform starting Jan. 3, 2018. In this series, Zoey is finally off to college, stumbling through cringeworthy rites of passage like embarrassing herself at a frat party and hiding secrets from her parents.By Eric Liebowitz/Freeform.

Superhero Smorgasbord

Superhero Smorgasbord

Every superhero you love is coming out with a new movie in 2018. In no particular order, get ready for a bounty that includes: Black Panther,Avengers: Infinity War,Deadpool 2,The New Mutants,X-Men: Dark Phoenix,Ant-Man and the Wasp,Venom, and Aquaman.By Zade Rosenthal/©Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures/Everett Collection.

The Winter Olympics

The Winter Olympics

’Tis the season to watch a bunch of perfect human specimens fight for tiny gold medallions. This year’s Winter Olympics will kick off on Feb. 9, 2018 in Pyeongchang, South Korea.By Julian Finney/Getty Images.

<em>Black Klansman</em>

Black Klansman

If the title alone doesn’t catch your eye, the artists behind it surely will. Spike Lee is directing this thriller, produced by nascent horror maestro Jordan Peele, about a black detective who infiltrates the KKK in the 1970s. John David Washington (son of Denzel) plays the lead, while the rest of the cast includes Adam Driver and rising star Laura Harrier.Black Klansman does not yet have a release date.Left, by Jason LaVeris/FilmMagic; Right, by Kevin Mazur/WireImage.

<em>The Incredibles 2</em>

The Incredibles 2

This superhero movie, which hits theaters on June 15, 2018, gets its own slide—because fans have been waiting for this sequel for 13 years. At long last, the Parr family is back fighting crime, with a little help from close friend Frozone (voiced by Samuel L. Jackson). It’s time to find your supersuit—and remember, no capes!Courtesy of Walt Disney Studios.

<em>The Happytime Murders</em>

The Happytime Murders

Brian Henson’s (son of Jim) dark detective twist on the pleasant world of puppetry promises to be a baffling pop-cultural delight in the vein of Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Humans and puppets coexist in this dark tale about a serial killer who’s out to murder the stars of hit 80s series The Happytime Gang. The cast is stacked with comedy stars, led by Melissa McCarthy,Maya Rudolph, and Elizabeth Banks. The film will hit theaters on Aug. 17, 2018.Left, by Allen Berezovsky/Getty Images; Right, by Stefanie Keenan/Getty Images.

<em>Jessica Jones</em> (Season 2)

Jessica Jones (Season 2)

Everyone’s favorite grouchy, hard-drinking superhero is finally back for a second season on March 8, with Krysten Ritter slipping on the familiar leather jacket for Jones’s latest adventures. Though the plot is still fairly under wraps, a teaser trailer promises that she’s still a sardonic and deliciously violent destroyer of men.By Myles Aronowitz/Netflix.

<em>Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again</em>

Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again

My, my, how can you resist this? The sequel to the 2008 blockbuster musical is finally on its way, and it’s already guaranteed to be your favorite guilty pleasure of 2018. The story is a prequel to the original, revolving around Meryl Streep’s character when she was a young woman (perhaps even . . . a young dancing queen). Not only is its core cast back in action, but the truly iconic Cher has decided to bless the sequel with her presence. Catch it in theaters on July 20, 2018.From ©Universal/Everett Collection.

<em>Roseanne</em>

Roseanne

Break out your flannel and sarcasm, because Roseanne is back. The classic 90s sitcom is getting the nostalgia reboot treatment on March 27, more than 20 years after it first ended.

<em>Ocean’s 8</em>

Ocean’s 8

The all-female Ocean’s 11 reboot is easily one of the most anticipated films of the year, not least because of its excellent cast (Rihanna!Sandra Bullock!Cate Blanchett!). The glitzy heist movie revolves around the Met Gala, promising a coterie of celeb cameos, and is slated to hit theaters on June 8, 2018. Satiate yourself until then by re-watching the perfect trailer.By Barry Wetcher/Warner Bros.

<em>The Assassination of Gianni Versace</em>

The Assassination of Gianni Versace

We may be in the midst of a true-crime revival, but few productions promise to be as opulent as this Ryan Murphy mini-series. The horrifying true story about the murder of fashion icon Gianni Versace will be retold with a stellar cast that includes Édgar Ramírez as Versace himself, Penélope Cruz as his sister Donatella, and Ricky Martin as Versace’s partner, Antonio D’Amico.By Jeff Daly/FX.

<em>The Chi</em>

The Chi

After breaking out on Master of None and winning a historic Emmy for one of this year’s best TV episodes, Lena Waithe is ready to claim her spot in the prestige-TV realm. Enter The Chi, her Showtime series about young people coming of age in Chicago, set to premiere on Jan. 7.By Matt Dinerstein/SHOWTIME.

<em>A Wrinkle in Time</em>

A Wrinkle in Time

The classic Madeleine L’Engle tale is finally coming to the big screen on March 9, 2018, thanks to Disney and director Ava DuVernay. The sci-fi story about a girl tesseracting her way through time to find her missing father will star newcomer Storm Reid alongside stars like Oprah Winfrey,Mindy Kaling,Reese Witherspoon, and Chris Pine.By Atsushi Nishijima/Courtesy of Walt Disney Studios.

<em>Solo: A Star Wars Story</em>

Solo: A Star Wars Story

After some catastrophic ups and downs, Han Solo’s origin story will finally be revealed to us on May 25, 2018. The Star Wars spin-off stars Alden Ehrenreich as the galactic smuggler and also features Donald Glover as Lando Calrissian and Emilia Clarke playing a mysterious character named Kira.From Lucasfilm Ltd./Everett Collection.

Laura BradleyLaura Bradley is a Hollywood writer for VanityFair.com. She was formerly an editorial assistant at Slate and lives in Brooklyn.

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