State of the Union: Trump Applauds Himself, but Late Night Isn’t Impressed

One night after Donald Trump’s State of the Union speech, Stephen Colbert shared some seemingly encouraging news for the president: “According to CNN, 70 percent of people who watched the speech had either a very positive or somewhat positive reaction,” the comedian said during his Late Show monologue. “Which seems good—until you learn that it is the lowest net positive rating for a State of the Union address since CNN first asked the question.”

On Wednesday night, late-night hosts graded the president’s performance and reviewed the reaction to his speech from both sides. Predictably, Democrats were a lot less enthused than Republicans, and Republicans, in turn, were displeased by Democrats’ displeasure. But, as several hosts noted, one person definitely loved Trump’s speech: Trump himself, who gave himself generous applause throughout the night as he delivered various talking points. “I really, really think they should have turned down his mic during the clapping parts,” Colbert said, taking a pause. “And during the talking parts.”

Perhaps the fiercest evaluation of the night came from Samantha Bee, who noted that while giving the speech, Trump “took a break from screaming about immigrants to scream slightly more politely at lawmakers—about immigrants.” In particular, Bee called out the president’s assertion that “Americans are dreamers, too,” snarking, “Oh. My. God. What a beautiful, proud, thoughtful way to say that you will only help white people.”

“Rumor had it this would be an optimistic, glass-is-half-full type speech,” Bee added. “And it was—assuming that glass is half full of cyanide, and I get to drink it. Because our president used the State of the Union to roll out his hot 2018 line of chilling policy proposals.” A few she cited: the promise of a merit-based immigration system, a vow to make sure that foreign-assistance dollars only serve American interests, and, of course, a pledge to beef up our nuclear arsenal.

“How about this?” Bee suggested. “I’ll pay Stormy Daniels $130,000 to say the president has a big dick and isn’t afraid of sharks, so he doesn’t blow up the world.”

Seth Meyers dedicated a “Closer Look” segment to the speech on Late Night, in which he urged his viewers not to give Trump too much credit for successfully reading from a teleprompter for 80 minutes. “Giving Trump credit for getting through the State of the Union speech is like giving a dog credit for wearing a sweater,” Meyers said. “He didn’t pick that sweater out, and he certainly didn’t put it on. So he might look like a perfect little gentleman, but all he wants is to get that sweater off and get back to licking his balls.”

Meyers also noted that for all the standing ovations the president received from Republicans, the other side of the aisle remained largely stone-faced and sedentary. In particular, Meyers was amused by Nancy Pelosi’s stolid expression—which quickly overtook Twitter on the night of the speech. “She looks like the principal who just found out a bunch of students moved her car to the roof,” Meyers quipped. “‘Everyone in the gymnasium now!’“ As for Bernie Sanders, who looked similarly displeased as he gave the president slow, grudging applause? “That’s how your grandfather claps when you tell him you just started doing your own podcast. ‘Oh, bravo. When I was your age, I built a house with my bare hands with wood I chopped from a tree I planted—but you, go ahead and cast your pod!’“

“Trump was clearly annoyed by the lack of enthusiasm from Democrats,” Meyers added, “because every time he said something he thought Democrats should stand and applaud for, he gestured to them to make sure they heard him and gave him a standing ovation. . . . You’ve been criticizing Democrats all year; they’re not going to give you a standing ovation just because you told them to. You’re like a conductor trying to get the horn section to play a piece you wrote called ‘Trombones Suck.’“

On The Daily Show,Trevor Noah was similarly fascinated by the rituals that surround applause at such events—especially Republicans’ seemingly incessant references after the event to how much they applauded the speech. “I’ll be honest with you,” the comedian said. “I don’t get this emphasis on standing and clapping. ‘It was so amazing! We clapped for all the things we wanted to hear!’ Republicans make it sound like they didn’t have a choice to stand up and clap. Like it was their first boner.”

Noah also noted that Republicans have morphed Democrats’ displeasure into a talking point—and a faulty one at that. It’s typical for one side to clap for their agenda during the State of the Union, Noah said, and equally normal for the other side to appear less enthusiastic. Still, he couldn’t help but think of a few fun similes of his own for what Democrats looked like. In general, Noah said of their expressions, “That’s the face you make when you find out what’s actually in a hot dog.” And for Pelosi in particular? “That’s the face you make when your mom starts dating your ex-boyfriend.”

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Laura BradleyLaura Bradley is a Hollywood writer for VanityFair.com. She was formerly an editorial assistant at Slate and lives in Brooklyn.