Kimmel Believes “Beyond a Treasonable Doubt” That Putin Has Dirt on Trump

“Helsinki has frozen over,” Jimmy Kimmel told his audience Monday night. “The president of the United States today sided with Russia over our own F.B.I. on the subject of cyber-attacks on our election campaign.”

In the wake of a disastrous summit with Vladimir Putin in Finland, late nights comedians all took turns lambasting Donald Trumps obsequious performance before the Russian autocrat—whom Kimmel dubbed his “K.G.B.F.F.”

As he reflected on the way Trump genuflected to a Russian dictator, Kimmel couldnt help but wonder if Putin brought a hypnotist to their private meeting instead of a translator. But as far as the comedian is concerned, one things for sure: “If youre wondering whether Vladimir Putin has an incriminating video of Donald Trump, we now know beyond a treasonable doubt that he does.”

The moment that Kimmel found, perhaps, most shocking was when Putin had the audacity to offer to investigate the hacking of the 2016 presidential election. “Thats like Papa John offering to investigate whos been saying all the racist stuff at the company,” he quipped.

Stephen Colbert was, unsurprisingly, also roundly unimpressed by how “the Siberian candidate” responded to reporters questions—and, he noted, pundits on the left and the right were equally disgusted. “Those are the worst reviews Ive seen since Titanic!” Colbert said. “And I dont mean the movie.”

During the leaders press conference, Trump said he saw no reason to disbelieve Putin when he said that Russia didnt interfere with our election—despite his own intelligence agencies saying otherwise. “You dont see a reason?” Colbert said incredulously. “Do you own a mirror? Because after throwing your intelligence community under the bus just then, you threw it in reverse and turned them into road burger.

“What is it gonna take for you to acknowledge that Putin directed his officials to help you get elected?” the comedian added. “Does he have to just come out and say it? Because he did!”

Colbert showed his audience a clip from the conference in which Putin copped to just that—a moment the Late Show host found shocking, “mostly because Im not used to a president telling the truth.”

But the moment that got Colbert most riled up came later, when Putin asked a reporter whether he truly believed that the Russian government would bother collecting compromising material on Trump even before the election—when Trump was merely a private citizen attending a conference with hundreds of participants. Colberts answer was unequivocal: “Yeah. Yeah I do.” And he had a pretty good reason.

“When I was in Russia—and this is true—I was followed everywhere I went, and Im a comedian,” Colbert said. “I was informed by our security people in no uncertain terms that my phone was bugged and my room had cameras in it. So I showered in a blue blazer . . . I had to get naked eventually, and this is true—I turned to every mirror and said, You like, Ivan? You like?“

On Late Night, Seth Meyers was equally unimpressed: “However low your expectations were,” he said, “Trump managed to go much lower.”

Meyers dedicated an entire “Closer Look” segment to the summit, as well as the embarrassing trip to Great Britain that preceded it. All told, the comedian was not thrilled with either trip, but naturally he focused most of his ire on the latter. “Just to recap,” Meyers said of the Russia summit, “Trump blamed the U.S. for Russian aggression, attacked the F.B.I. and the special counsels investigation, took Putins side on election meddling, attacked Democrats and Hillary Clinton with Putin standing right next to him, and said Putin was strong and powerful. Can you imagine what their private meeting was like? Im worried he let Putin annex one of the 50 states!”

At the end of their press conference, several comedians noted, Putin gave Trump a parting gift—a soccer ball commemorating the countrys recent gig hosting the World Cup, a coup for which Trump had, naturally, congratulated him earlier. Summing up the event, Meyers said, “Thats right. Putin got a propaganda victory; we got a soccer ball.”

And then there was Trevor Noah, whose disbelief on The Daily Show was perhaps the most animated of all. As Noah read through some reviews of the summit, he couldnt help but note the president impressive achievement: “Damn. The most embarrassing performance by an American president. Do you know how hard it is to achieve that? George H.W. Bush once threw up on the Japanese prime minister—and Trump is now on top!”

Like many comedians, Noah rolled a clip of the moment Trump was given the opportunity to call out Putin for Russias election meddling, with the world watching—and instead waffled. “It was time for Trump to put his foot down,” Noah said. “And he did—right on Americas dick.” And as Colbert did, Noah couldnt help but note how foolish it was for the president to say he saw no reason not to trust Putin. “The man was a top K.G.B. spy!” Noah said. “You cant trust this man! On the list of people to never trust, Putin is right between WebMD and the mom from Get Out!

“I wasnt expecting Trump to cuss out Putin to his face,” Noah added. “But you have to admit, its pretty wild for the president of the United States to defend Russia over the United States. Its like seeing your teams cheerleader pumping up the other side . . . I mean, come on, Trump. Be aggressive. B-E aggressive!”

Get Vanity Fairs HWD NewsletterSign up for essential industry and award news from Hollywood.Laura BradleyLaura Bradley is a Hollywood writer for VanityFair.com.