‘Full Frontal’ Apologizes To Dan Rather, Adam Schiff, MLK, Announces Puerto Rico Special

President Donald Trump’s No-Wall-No-DACA-Deal position is a time-honored American tradition, Full Frontal explained to DACA immigrants during Wednesday night’s Apology Race segment.

“When racists lose something, they get to build a monument” in this country,” correspondent Ashley Nicole Black explained.

For two weeks, Samantha Bee’s Full Frontal challenged itself to keep up with everything Trump said/did over a two-week period and raced around apologizing for same on behalf of United States, results of which aired Wednesday.

Among Ashley’s many stops, Washington D.C., to apologize to House Intelligence Committee Ranking Member Adam Schiff, for Trump – and committee leader Devin Nunes’ – attempt to thwart the committee’s probe of Russian rannygazoo in the presidential election. Trump has called it a “witch hunt.”

“This is no witch hunt. This is the President of the United States not taking seriously an attack on our sovereignty by a foreign adversary,” Schiff told Ashley. “If we can’t accept what the Russians did during the election there is no way for us to prepare to defend ourselves in the next election.”

Ashley said she was sorry Trump called the probe a witch hunt, “and I’m sorry you have to pretend to like Devin Nunes.”

I accept your apology,” Schiff smiled.

Ashley also wanted to see the alleged Trump “pee tape.”

“I’m not allowed to give you any of the committee work product – if it exists,” he said. She winked.

Full Frontal’s apology to the English language did not go so well. Correspondent Amy Hoggart tried to say “sorry” to two lexicographers from the Dictionary Society of North America, for Trump’s abuse of “tremendous.” But one of the dictionarists began to complain, “Oh god! Every time I use it now I edit it out. So many words have been skunked! ‘Tremendous,’ ‘sad’.”

Amy says she’s sorry Trump has “flaunted the rules of the English language.”

“You mean flouted, not flaunted,” she got schooled.

Amy’s apology to Dan Rather for Trump’s attacks on the press and the First Amendment was received more graciously.

“I don’t think that’s necessary,” Rather told her. “Because the press, under attack, tends to stiffen its spine. The press is probably a little better now because of the President’s attacks,” Rather insisted.

Ashley also got sent to Atlanta to apologize to black people that Trump spent Martin Luther King Day golfing.

“I don’t know why they sent the black correspondent to do that,” she complained. “Probably would have meant more coming from a white person. Seeing a statue of MLK, she observed, “I think Dr. King would have really hated Donald Trump – and I don’t think he would have cared for Reality Show parodies.”

Mike Rubens went to Indiana, where Trump promised to save Carrier plant workers’ jobs, only, in mid-January, it was reported another 215 will lose their jobs. Mike apologized to former United Steelworkers Local 1999 President Chuck Jones.

“Trump made a campaign promise to keep jobs in this country,” Jones said bitterly, noting Hoosiers “bought it, and they bought a bag of shit. And that’s what we got.”

“I think Trump is a liar, a clown, he’s a racist,” Jones added. “Mexicans, they’re not our enemy. They did not take out jobs away.”

Mike is impressed and decides to throw in an apology that Veep Mike Pence was the state’s governor.

“We been dealt a damned bad hand, to be honest,” Jones agreed.

And, “what’s a week without Trump screwing Puerto Rico,” Bee observed. As of January 18, we were in our fifth month of this fiscal year and still don’t have resolution insuring disaster relief will go to Puerto Rico.

Allana Harkin heads there and hears from locals that Trump did little besides throw paper towels. Allana apologizes but feels she could have done more. Which is a set-up for Bee to announce Full Frontal will air a one-hour travel special broadcast from Puerto Rico, to air on Wednesday, March 28.

Trump paid Puerto Rico a visit last October, 13 days after Hurricane Maria hit, to tell residents he loves the place he seemed to have only recently learned is an island, telling them their weather is “second to none, but every once in a while you get hit. And you got hit.”

POTUS also addressed the devastation the hurricane caused – to him, telling residents, “I hate to tell you Puerto Rico, but you’ve thrown our budget a little out of whack.” Even so, Trump took the time to meet with victims, though he could use some help with the small talk, being seen on-camera telling one local, “We’re going to help you out…have a good time.”

Trump also handed out supplies, in the Trumpiest way possible, lobbing paper towels and other goods at locals in a church. When he passed out flashlights, the president informed the residents, “Flashlights. You don’t need them anymore!”

About four months after the hurricane, nearly half a million people on the island still lacked power.

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